Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Class of 1999
Now, and I’m sure my old mate Simon Wigg (see link opposite) will agree with me on this one, here is a real hidden gem of a movie. Very low budget but an incredibly well paced, directed and executed movie that really should have been a bigger hit than it was. The basic plot is that society has become so violent, controlled by gangs, that the only way to contain them is to give them a free range to do what they want in areas called Free Fire Zones. The police will not enter
Free Fire Zones but the real problem is the violence in schools, so much so that a multi-million dollar company has re-programmed military droids with a basic teaching ability as part of a disciplinarian pilot scheme to keep the little shites in line. Of course the droids revert to their original programming and wage war with the pupils (“Kill the enemy!”), eventually forcing the two rival gangs to join forces if they want to live.What’s right with this movie is that it is ALL action. From the opening board meeting outlining the proposals, intercut with our hero Cody Culp) being released from prison, the explosions, fights, car chases and gun battles do not let up for one second. They are also surprisingly well handled (Director Mark L Lester has previous, he also directed Schwarzenegger in the similarly violent and entertaining “Commando”), particularly a pitched battle between both gangs that is infiltrated by the teachers without the hoodlums even knowing they’re there.
The film has some very impressive gore scenes as well, including one teenager being pulled through a wall by the waist, another gets a drill through the forehead, one man has his heart ripped out and another has his throat ripped open. All this violence and mayhem, though, is permeated with some of the cheesiest action one-liners to add a comic touch to proceedings. After destroying one of the teachers in a Chemistry explosion, Cody utters “I guess I blew that course”, one of the teachers exclaims how he “loves to mould young minds” as he thrusts a drill through his head and when Cody tries to convince his gangmates the teachers killed his brother, one of them quirks up “why, because he didn’t do his homework?” All great fun.So, what’s wrong with it? Well, the effects could be better. The robotics and matte work are awful, although it does lend itself to work well with the overall comic feel. The plot is thin, it is an excuse for a series of all action set pieces so anyone looking for a film with meaning will be let down, despite it’s grim outlook on American society and school violence. Also, some of the script and acting is weak, the way they finally come round to the idea it’s the teachers killing everybody is ridiculous (After their rival gang leader calls them out to the school, one of them says “Jeez, don’t we spend enough time there as it is”, another replies “That’s it, it’s the teachers, why would Hector be at school if he didn’t have to”), but these are minor quibbles that, for me, add to the enjoyment of the film as a whole because it’s so ridiculously enjoyable.
Throw Pam Grier and Malcolm McDowell into the mix and you’ve got all the makings of a cult classic. I don’t for one minute believe it’ll ever go down in history as anything approaching that accolade but there’ll always be a special place for it in my heart, even if there’s also usually a place for it in the bargain bin at Blockbuster. If you do chance upon it though, buy it! You will NOT be disappointed. "Beware the moon and stay on the path..."
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Nightmare Concert Pt 2
Well I’m not quite sure how I can describe this film, further to what I already put in a previous post. It is, quite simply, one of the goriest films I have ever seen but was quite, quite crap. I would liken it to watching your washing machine on the final spin, you know nothing of any meaning will happen but you still watch it go round and round. The strange thing is that you can’t describe this film as uneventful.
One amazing chain of events sees Mr Fulci look out of his window and see a woman opening the curtains, his hallucinations see a different story of the lady in question performing a strange sexual act. He then looks at another window where two men are doing DIY, except Fulci sees a brutal and graphic stabbing. He then puts his dinner in a microwave, only to be confronted by the sight of a severed head slowly melting in the radiation container. He THEN knocks a bottle of liquor that smashes on the floor, looking down to (inexplicably) see a corpse slowly decomposing from the outside as though it’s being dissolved by acid. About 10 minutes with no dialogue, just a succession of gruesome, highly graphic images, with no connection to the plot other than to tell us what we already know – Fulci is mad.
The gore doesn’t stop there. We see a man continuously run over by a car until his head resembles a pork chop and his chest is
caved in, we see a boy riding his bike get his head cut off with a chainsaw, we see a women decapitated with a chest of drawers (!), another has her head half chopped off during a strangulation via piano wire, there are hands chopped off, legs cut off, stabbings through the neck, a multiple stabbing in the shower, a woman is beaten to death with a baseball bat – it’s quite simply horrendous because there is no plot.
It’s also unintentionally hilarious. The doctor (left) committing most of these “real” murders has a couple of ‘mad scientist’ monologues where he ends of cackling maniacally and the ending is truly awful. Not wishing to spoil things in any way (the ending is hardly the reason for watching this film) Fulci sails off into the sunset after waving goodbye to the film crew who have been filming “Nightmare Concert”…IT WAS ALL A FILM YOU SEE!!!! THE JOKE’S ON US!!!! Basically you should watch this movie as a curiosity only, Fulci has made much better films with much less violence and far better plot. I wouldn’t recommend anybody actually goes out and buys this, but keep an eye out on ‘Zone Horror’ because I guarantee you won’t have seen a film quite like it."Beware the moon and stay on the path..."
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Murder in the Outback
Following on from my poor review of “The Hills Have Eyes” I’m going for a bit of a departure from what I normally put on this page. On Sunday night I watched an ITV drama that held my interest for a full two hours, more than I thought it, and it turned out to be a most compelling viewing. “Murder in the Outback” told the true story of the murder of British backpacker Peter Falconio and the recollections of survivor Joanne Lees. The reason I’ve put it on this page is because it mirrors so many horror stories, especially “Wolf Creek” and to some extent “Hostel”. 
The programme opened with the purchase of the van and pretty much straight away took us into the outback where the pair were seemingly targeted for termination by a passer by who told them sparks were flying out of their exhaust. This must have been an absolutely terrifying experience and Joanne Froggat played the part of Lees extremely well in these opening scenes. We really felt the fear and sense of being trapped with no clue as to what had, was or might have happened to her and Falconio. I must admit though, I wouldn’t have so readily flagged down a giant truck after what had happened to her.
The treatment of Lees by the media was portrayed interestingly and the programme really got across what my perceptions of her were throughout the immediate aftermath and trial. I always thought she came across as cold and the film did not shirk away from that, not showing her in a positive light at all, despite what she’d been through. It brought up her affair and showed her dismiss the person who’d rescued her, despite the fact he’d since been in an accident that put him in a wheelchair. I recall having doubts about her story because of her manner and this was conveyed in the film.I also remember the Martin Bashir special with her. According to the film he wanted her take on the Australian Police’s handling of the investigation, something Lees had strong views about, but the finished piece was more like a character assassination and that led to her distrust (she already had doubts about them) of the media. She also had reservations about her own legal team, the film conveyed a feeling of Lees against the world (from her point of view at least) whilst making it clear that most people just wanted to help.
The trial was also dealt with well, it really did hang in the balance, and even managed to create a semblance of tension in the result despite the fact we all know what it was. Issues such as Lees e-mailing the bloke she had an affair with, a headband of hers taken by the suspect, whether or not she could move her bound arms from behind her to the front were all covered. All in all it was a good piece of TV that conveyed how I felt about her throughout.What set it apart from similar true accounts is that it didn’t portray the victim as whiter than white, a fact that led many to believe she could have killed her own boyfriend. It raised the doubts over her story, inaccuracies, discrepancies and ambiguities that dogged her account to police (not portrayed in the best of ways – they didn’t arrive at the scene until 8 hours after the incident, 3 hours after it was reported). Compelling TV and possibly a worthy entry into the road horror genre?
"Beware the moon and stay on the path..."
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
The Hills Have Eyes
Now first of all, don’t get me wrong. I’m glad horror movies are moving away from the “If this was a horror movie I’d be the first to be killed” kind of irritating, self-knowing bollocks. It was good for a while but has now run its course and it’s nice to see the movie industry acknowledge this. However, I’m getting increasingly pissed off with the number of pointless remakes. I know I gave a glowing review of the “Dawn” remake but this is the exception rather than the rule. “Hills” is a slightly different kettle of fish.
There have been a great many ‘broken down in the middle of nowhere to be attacked by cannibalistic mutants’ movies recently, most notably “Wrong Turn” which, for me, is the best in the sub-genre for a long time, presumably largely ignored because it wasn’t a remake. With this in mind, what is the point in remaking Wes Craven’s classic. They’ve not even had the courtesy to alter the plot in any way (at least “Chainsaw” tried), the family (including two dogs called ‘Beauty’ and ‘Beast’) break down and are attacked by cannibals, including one scene where a man bites off the head of the budgie. Even the nuclear sub-plot remains, the area used to be a test centre for the military.
There’s no doubt this movie is more shocking than the original 70’s movie, quite simply you can get away with more now. The first taste of the original I ever had was a creepy trailer that just zeroed in on the film poster with sound effects in the background, it made me think the film was too shocking to even see any of it in the teaser. In fact the movie is quite restrained, the complete opposite to the sledgehammer remake. We see pick-axes in the head, skewers through the neck, a face blown clean off with a shotgun. It goes on but none of those moments match the basic horror of the original where a man is force-fed oil and then burnt alive. You become de-sensitised to the violence, including a viscious sexual attack, that by the end of the film, there is a real feeling of anti-climax. There’s little or no tension and I’ve not even mentioned the plot holes that are bigger than the craters left by the nuclear detonations. How come it takes the father an entire day to get back to the garage, but within a few minutes of being attacked, the cannibals (are we to assume they can drive) not only get him back to his family, but tie him up and rig him up to explosives. How can one cannibal take a body from a car without two people, looking around them at all times, even hearing him (he even drags the body about a quarter of a mile and is feasting within seconds). If we’re to believe the newspaper headlines about mysterious disappearances and the police being baffled, how did they not stumble upon the test village populated by cannibals, or the massive car park graveyard in one of the craters? At least make it believable fellas!
In short, though I can’t say I hated this film, there are far better films out there made years ago for less money that deserve more attention. It’s all part of people’s obsession with re-makes (myself included, I always like to see how they plan to mess up another of my favourite horror films). I hate to bring this up but we’re expecting remakes of “The Evil Dead” and (I can barely bring myself to write this) “Suspiria” in the near future. Message to Hollywood, LEAVE US ALONE!!!
The Lucky ones get remade last!!!
"Beware the moon and stay on the path..."
