Tuesday, November 06, 2007

 

Zombie Flesh Eaters 2

We all know that Lucio Fulci (god rest his soul) wasn’t the best director in the world, but at least he knew how to bring the dead to life. At least I thought he did until this unholy mess found its way onto my TV screen courtesy of those fine folk at Zone Horror. Straying dangerously close to the Ed Wood school of ‘so bad it’s good’ film-making, it’s hard to explain just how crap this film is. That said, I can’t say I was bored.

The ‘plot’ concerns the theft of a deadly poison, imaginatively called “Death 1”, by the world’s most ineffectual terrorists (matched only by the SWAT team sent to stop him who couldn’t hit a cow’s arse with a Banjo, instead shooting open the case containing the aforementioned poison). For reason’s unknown the SWAT team, despite shooting him, manage to lose him and he walks a full two miles back to his hotel room, unopposed, where he proceeds to infect the rest of the building. The army find the terrorist’s body and burn it in a massive kiln, the ash infects the birds (!) that become zombified, attack everybody else and the undead virus spreads further. This film is blessed with the kind of dialogue that would make porn fans blush (“I’m feeling much better now but I’m thirsty…thirsty for your BLOOD!!!”), especially when the army captain dismisses scientist fears over the ash infecting the air as science fiction when they’ve just managed to re-animate the dead!

Couldn't hit a cow's arse with a banjo


It also has one of THE most unintentionally funny scenes when one of the hapless victims opens a fridge door to find a severed head (god only knows exactly what it’s doing there!) that suddenly develops the ability to self-propel. I try not to use the word fly, it doesn’t have wings, it just kind of…well…floats! Another scene involves a woman falling into a pond, being pulled out with no legs and no explanation offered as to what happened to them! But the scene that takes the biscuit is the final one. We know the zombies can run, use bludgeoning tools and talk but the denouement shows us that one of them has been working as a talk radio DJ throughout the film, giving a final speech about a new world order! Pure class!!!

Gore wise it’s not much to write home about, Zone Horror gave it a ‘15’ rating, but it does have a couple of good decapitations, face rippings, gougings and the obligatory flesh munching scene.
All in all I can only describe “Zombie Flesh Eaters 2” as utter bollocks and a bit of an insult to the master of zombie mayhem. Now where did I put “Zombie Flesh Eaters 3”?

"Beware the moon...and stay on the path"

Comments:
Dude, watched ZFE 2 the other day - the self-propelling head made me laugh out loud! Watched ZFE 3 and Army of Darkness today to aid in my recouperation from Man-flu, and a splendid choice it was too. I especially liked the idea that zombies can also operate automatic weapons... how advanced!

Good to see you blogging again mate, keep up the good work.
 
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